sweet release

Being this is my first posting, I should introduce myself. I am a rising college senior who is consequently about to enter a new era of her life. I will start off by saying that for the past 8 years of my life I was the girl with the boyfriend. Honestly, many of those relationships were silly (middle school crushes and passing notes) and some were more serious (3 1/2 year highschool boyfriend who ended up just being a really good friend that I would make out with on occasion). I never had problems having a guy and it always seemed like once I ended one fling I was moving on to my next Mr. Right (or Mr. Right Now). It was not until I got to college that I really fell in love...and when I say fell, I mean fell hard. I dated this guy for 2 years (we will call him Sam) and I was IN LOVE. Yeah, we had our fights but he was everything that I wanted in a guy. He was smart and handsome and would always make me laugh. He was my rock, and I was his. I mean goodness, we even spent a summer in Italy together...what more could a girl want?! But what goes up, must come down. He ditched me for another girl named "Senior Year." All of his friends were single and he wanted to date around and have a fun time during his last year of college. He was going away to Dental school soon and he wanted to have his fun while he could. At first I was okay with all of this..I was going to take this time for me to discover who I was. I did that for a few months, dated around and had an amazing time doing it! I hung out with the girls, flirted with numerous guys and even dated one of them for a couple months...and then it happened. The once happy-go-lucky girl that I was disappeared and I became my worst fear, alone. Now, I am by no means a sad, gloomy individual by any means...but I have never been so truly alone in my life. I live in a big house with two amazing roommates...that have serious relationships. One is away for the summer and the other spends every waking moment with her boyfriend (jealous but still so happy for her to find such a great guy). Sam is moving away in a few days almost 3 hours away from me. Even though we are broken up we still hang out on the regular as "friends" since I just can't give up the time I spend with him since it is so important to me. So that is what brought me here...living alone and going to sleep knowing that I am no longer number 1 in the eyes of the man I love. I am here in an effort to heal, grow and express myself in a different way....so here it goes.