It is amazing how much things have turned around in the past few days. Thursday night I was able to enjoy ice cream and movie at my place with Sam and thankfully we ended the night with him holding me in his arms. Much to my surprise I was very composed when the morning came and it was time for him to head off to work training...meaning that it would be the last time I would see him before he moved. After a long hug and kiss, he headed out the door, and I walked back to my room for a few quiet tears. In a moment of weakness I sent him a text telling him that he had no idea how much I was going to miss him. I did not expect to get a response, but immediately he responded telling me how upset he was as he walked out to his car. That night I drove to the beach with the girls in effort to get my mind off of Sam leaving. Surprisingly, I got a few texts and calls from Sam throughout the weekend seeing how I was doing and...telling me that he missed me! I will never understand how men work!! For the past 7 months I have been living down the street from him and now that he is moving 3 hrs away he wants to be all sweet and wants to see me! Needless to say I was thrilled when he called and invited me to the beach with some of our friends this coming weekend :) Can't wait to see how this all unfolds! The only downfall is that now I have to actually give a hoot what I look like in my bikini so I will be spending my mornings and afternoons at the gym until our departure!

confused and looking for sunshine

I have come to the conclusion that the weather is teasing me. After starting my morning off perfectly (more later), I got out of bed and went straight to the gym. I was determined to get all my errands accomplished before noon so that I could spend my afternoon laying out by the pool. Apparently, mother nature prefers me pale because as soon as I slipped into my bikini the sun retired for the afternoon. At least I got to catch a HILARIOUS movie with the girls, Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

Now back to that perfect morning. I couldn't sleep but resisted the temptation to text Sam, even though I knew that talking to him would put me at ease and help me slip into my dreams. I finally dozed off around 3am, only to wake back up around 5am to my phone telling me I had a text message. I smiled as I looked at my phone and saw a text from Sam at 4am asking if I were still awake. I texted him back, he called me, and next thing I know he was pulling up in my driveway. We got back in my bed and he laid in my arms and began sleeping so peacefully. I laid there for a while rubbing his head and taking in the moment I knew would not come often once he moved away.

Now what? I feel like I am setting myself up for an even harder heartbreak once he moves away. And part of me also wonders what he is thinking and how he really feels. I know I am not the only girl in his life...but the moments we share and the way that we look into each others eyes is something that I cannot deny. For now I am taking it day-by-day and crutching on the support of my friends. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

sweet release

Being this is my first posting, I should introduce myself. I am a rising college senior who is consequently about to enter a new era of her life. I will start off by saying that for the past 8 years of my life I was the girl with the boyfriend. Honestly, many of those relationships were silly (middle school crushes and passing notes) and some were more serious (3 1/2 year highschool boyfriend who ended up just being a really good friend that I would make out with on occasion). I never had problems having a guy and it always seemed like once I ended one fling I was moving on to my next Mr. Right (or Mr. Right Now). It was not until I got to college that I really fell in love...and when I say fell, I mean fell hard. I dated this guy for 2 years (we will call him Sam) and I was IN LOVE. Yeah, we had our fights but he was everything that I wanted in a guy. He was smart and handsome and would always make me laugh. He was my rock, and I was his. I mean goodness, we even spent a summer in Italy together...what more could a girl want?! But what goes up, must come down. He ditched me for another girl named "Senior Year." All of his friends were single and he wanted to date around and have a fun time during his last year of college. He was going away to Dental school soon and he wanted to have his fun while he could. At first I was okay with all of this..I was going to take this time for me to discover who I was. I did that for a few months, dated around and had an amazing time doing it! I hung out with the girls, flirted with numerous guys and even dated one of them for a couple months...and then it happened. The once happy-go-lucky girl that I was disappeared and I became my worst fear, alone. Now, I am by no means a sad, gloomy individual by any means...but I have never been so truly alone in my life. I live in a big house with two amazing roommates...that have serious relationships. One is away for the summer and the other spends every waking moment with her boyfriend (jealous but still so happy for her to find such a great guy). Sam is moving away in a few days almost 3 hours away from me. Even though we are broken up we still hang out on the regular as "friends" since I just can't give up the time I spend with him since it is so important to me. So that is what brought me here...living alone and going to sleep knowing that I am no longer number 1 in the eyes of the man I love. I am here in an effort to heal, grow and express myself in a different way....so here it goes.